TAC Day-12/16/11

The day is finally here!! After a long painful journey with IC, God has blessed us in a way that is beyond words! Losing Sophia was the biggest heart break for me and left me feeling so empty. I set out in search of an answer and praise God, I found Abbyloopers and all of the wonderful women on there. It didn't take much to convince me that I the only thing that would give me hope of another baby was the TAC.

After deal with the insurance and realizing it wasn't going to get approved, we decided to pay for the surgery ourselves. I had a phone consult with Dr. Davis and new immediately that he was a God send. We flew out on Wednesday, Dec. 14th and met up with him for my pre-op on Thursday. He was great! His kind words and reassurance convinced me that I was exactly where I needed to be. My TAC went extremely well and I got to meet a fellow Abbysister, Teresa (we even took the same flight from LAX lol).

Here we are, ready for this life changing event and Dr. Davis even took the time to pose with us for a quick picture :)

Thank you Lord for your blessings! For leading us to Dr. Davis and for giving us the means to pay for the surgery when the insurance wouldn't come through for us.

Anxiously awaiting to be wheeled to the OR. 

The AMAZING/CARING Dr. George Davis

Still missing you

It's been 5 weeks since we said good bye. The pain has eased, but there still isn't a day that I don't miss you. I know that God had a plan for you and I'm so thankful that you came into our lives. You made us better people and I will never forget that.

The hardest part for me, has been moving on. Life just doesn't feel the same. It hurts to know that we will never see your little face again. We hurt in silence because no one will ever understand how much I loved you already. I dreamt about holding you in my arms and watching you play with Natalie, and now all of that is gone.

There are times when I feel like I'm still waiting for you......but now you are waiting for me and I know I will see you again.

8 Days....

Dear Sophia,

It's hard to believe it's been 8 days since we had to say goodbye. The days seem to fly by, yet at the same time, time seems to be standing still.

You left a void that you can't imagine. I feel blessed to have been chosen as your mommy. I love you with all my heart and always will. Our life will never be the same without you. We had so many hopes and dreams for you and Natalie was really excited to have someone to boss around.

I know you are in a better place, and I know that I will see you again but it still hurts to not see you now. We continue to pray for strength to make it through these days. Today we're going to go pick out your "urn" at Things Remembered. I wish we were picking up diapers instead but we have to deal with reality. 

Week 1 of HBR is coming to an end

So, after last Tuesday's Perinatologist appointment, I was sent over to SACH Resort (San Antonio Community Hospital) to begin hospital bed rest. Why the sudden change of plan? Well, my cervix was down to .5cm's so the doctor just felt like this would be a safer place for Sophia and I.

The first night here was hard. Leaving Natalie broke my heart, and to top it off, I was admitted only 3 days before my birthday. I must admit, I spent the first night crying but now I feel like this is definitely the place where I need to be. I feel like being here gives Sophia a better chance at life. I am 13 days away from the point of viability. I know that 24 weeks is no guarantee but it makes me feel better to know that anything from that point on is a plus for my princess number 2 :)

I have been praying a lot and have really felt in my heart that God will allow everything to be ok. I have felt fine these past days and am really hoping that this trend continues.

46 days to goal

Yesterdays appointment with the peri did not go too well. The ultrasound showed that my cervix was down to .5cm....pretty much nothing. The doctor decided at that point that it was best to just send me to the hospital for bed rest. I can't say that I was completely surprised with her decision but I didn't think she would resort to this so soon.

I went home to get my bag packed and then headed over to maternity at San Antonio. I did all the admitting stuff and after a few hours I was moved to the room that will be my home for the next 7 weeks...God willing.

The hardest part of this is leaving Natalie. I just don't want her to feel bad and it beaks my heart to see her cry because I have to stay. I know she will be ok but I just feel like a part of me has failed her because I won't be there to put her to bed at night.

I know that this will be over before I know it and when it is I will have another miracle to take home. Getting through these days is hard. I pray that God will grace me with patience and understanding while we anxiously and hopefully wait for Sophia.

Hopeful

Today was my follow-up appointment with the Perinatal center. After surviving 6 days of SBR we have some good news to share. Doctor confirmed that my cervix had increased just a little bit, from 0.9cm to 1.2cm. I know that in the grand scheme of things, 0.3cm is not much but I praise God for that increase.

Ralph wasn't able to go with me today, but he was thrilled to hear the good news just as I was.

I know that this is going to be long journey. I am only 19 weeks along...but it is worth the sacrifice. I continue to lift Sophia up in prayer....knowing that God already has a plan for her. Sometimes we underestimate all that He is and all that He can do. While the doctors might say that it can't happen I believe it can. Nothing is impossible for God. I love Psalm 139 because it's words are so meaningful to me during this time:

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be. 

The Party is OVER

After having the cerclage placed at 12 weeks, we were finally back to see the Perinatal center. I was excited because I knew that we would get to see our little princess once again but at the same time nervous of what the doctor might have to say regarding my cervix.

After the fun of watching our little princess (and reconfirming that she was indeed a princess), came the bad news. The doctor told us that my cervix was down to .9cm (regular is 3.5 - 4.0) and that it had also begun to funnel on the inside. Needless to say we were saddened and scared. At that moment, all the doctor could suggest was COMPLETE bed rest until her and the regular OB decided on what the plan of action would be. I think we left the office with little hope that day.

Later on Dr. Rodrigues called to say that he didn't feel like doing a second cerclage was safe and again, just reiterated that bed rest was our only hope. So that day...my SBR (strict bed rest) journey with Sophia began. 

It All Started With.....

A VERY positive pregnancy test! I was completely shocked to see that second line. After months of NOT preventing, with nothing happening, a small part of me had lost hope that it would EVER happen. I definitely felt like it was an answered prayer to realize we were finally expecting a little one.